The Georgetown Metropolitan

Photo by M.V. Jantzen.

Good morning Georgetown, here’s the latest:

• Reminder: Art All Night this Friday!
• Call Your Mother zoning hearing is today, starting at 9:30. Last hearing went six hours, but I do not expect this one to do that.

It’s that time of year again, when people start to wonder what the hell are those giant grain brain-shaped fruit around Georgetown. As in past years, I am ready with the answer, as reprinted below:

This time a year, if you wonder around Montrose or Volta Parks you’re bound to find on the ground weird softball-sized green fruit like the one above. People are often so struck by the sight of the fruit, they pick up one or two of them and bring them home. But what are they, you ask?

Despite their green color, they’re oranges. Osage oranges, to be specific. They are grown by Osage trees, which line the Parrot rope walk. These trees are prevalent in the Great Plains states, where they are often planted along hedgerows. Traditionally, the pliable but strong nature of this tree’s wood made it valuable for fence posts and archery bows.

Technically speaking, the fruit is edible. But you can only eat the seeds, and they’re not easy to extract.

I heard once that people should not feel guilty about taking the fruit home since no animals eat them. I find that they rot after a month or so. But if you don’t want to keep them around, Amazon sells them for $39 for a dozen, maybe you can undersell them (besides being an interesting knick-knack, the fruit is believed to  repel insects and spiders).

Photo by Victoria Pickering.

Good morning Georgetown, here’s the latest:

• More on Joe Sternlieb’s departure from the BID.
• Speaking of the BID, here is their great Fall Guide.

The other day I noticed that one of my geranium plants in the planter in front of my house was gone. Due to a rash of package thefts in the past, we installed multiple cameras trained on the front. So it only took a few minutes of browsing to find the thief.

What is wrong with you? A small geranium plant like that costs like 8 bucks. Was it really worth it?

A neighbor told me that someone stole an anemone from the front of her house last week as well. And it’s the height of anemone bloom time, so it was especially annoying! Was it this same thief?

These are not the crimes of the century. But come on!! Why are you doing this???

Photo by Jeff Vincent.

Good morning Georgetown, here’s the latest:

• CEO of the BID, Joe Sternlieb, stepping down in 2025. Joe will have served in the position for 12 years.
• Osteria Mozza targeting an October opening, but more likely won’t open before November.

An establishment called Sugared and Bronzed appears to be destined for 1815 Wisconsin Ave., according to materials filed with the Old Georgetown Board.

When I first read that, I thought perhaps it was some sort of a cookie shop or the like. Sadly no. It’s about as far from a cookie store as you could get. It’s a waxing and tanning salon. Where does sugar come into it, you ask? Well according to their website, they use basically a big glob of sugar to tear the hairs from your nether regions:

What is Sugaring Hair Removal?

Sugaring is an all-natural method for body hair removal that has its roots in ancient Egypt — (oh hey Cleopatra)! Our organic hair removal technique is eco-friendly and the healthiest option for your skin. Our sugar paste is made in small batches using just three natural ingredients: lemons, sugar, and water. No chemicals, no preservatives, just nature’s best. Seeking a sustainable, and hypoallergenic solution to banish unwanted hair? Sounds like you’re ready to sugar! Unlike hot wax treatments, our sugar paste is applied at body temperature, so it won’t burn. It’s gentle on the skin, making it the perfect choice for those with sensitivity. Say farewell to painful ingrowns and hello to smoother skin. Results last 4-6 weeks, regular sugaring sessions lead to finer and sparser hair regrowth.

It might be natural, but it still looks and sounds pretty painful!

The “bronzing” part of the business actually involves airbrushing, not UV rays. So while that’s less “natural” it sounds a lot better for your skin, honestly!

No word on when they might open.

Photo by Victoria Pickering.

Good morning Georgetown, here’s the latest:

• Sadly it looks like Jaco Taco has closed. I’d hate to think that that illegal pot store next door contributed to its closure, but I’m sure it didn’t help.
• A look at a hotel coming to the canal.

On two previous occasions, I’ve tested the ability of AI to take the job of writing this website away from me. The results from the last experiment were so bad that I didn’t think I’d be able to slough off this job for a while.

But this technology is moving fast! Maybe it’s already good enough to give me a break! So I decided to ask Google’s AI to write just the sort of article I would write. In fact, I already wrote it! It’s one of my most read articles ever! But could AI do it as well?

So I decided to give it a try. I asked Google: Write an article in the style of the Georgetown Metropolitan where you discus the decline of college bars in Georgetown.

This is what it produced:

Once a bustling hub of college life, Georgetown’s iconic bars have seen a noticeable decline in recent years. The vibrant atmosphere that once characterized the neighborhood has been replaced by a more subdued, upscale vibe, leaving many students and alumni wondering what happened.

Several factors have contributed to this transformation. One significant reason is the rising cost of living in the District. As property values soar, businesses are forced to charge higher prices, making it increasingly difficult for students on limited budgets to afford a night out. This has led to a shift away from traditional bars towards more affordable options, such as house parties and BYOB events.

Moreover, the changing demographics of Georgetown have also played a role. The neighborhood has become increasingly affluent, attracting professionals and families who may have different preferences when it comes to nightlife. The demand for upscale restaurants and bars has grown, while the traditional college bar scene has diminished.

Finally, the emergence of social media and online platforms has altered the way young people socialize. In the past, bars were the primary gathering places for students to meet friends and have fun. Today, many young people prefer to connect online or through private events, reducing the need for traditional bars.

While the decline of college bars in Georgetown is a notable shift, it is important to note that the neighborhood still has a vibrant nightlife. The emergence of new bars and restaurants catering to a diverse clientele has helped to fill the void left by the disappearance of the traditional college bar scene. However, the loss of iconic establishments like the Tombs and the Bayou remains a bittersweet reminder of Georgetown’s changing landscape.

Still sounds like something someone would write when they didn’t do the required reading! Lots of BSing going on here. But still….not thaaaaaaat bad????

Can I outsource this soon? Probably not! And, of course, this is all just a joke anyway! Don’t worry, it’ll be flesh and blood writing this for a while still…

Photo by Andrew Griffith.

Good morning Georgetown, here’s the latest:

• Four shops burgled.
• Another dive into the bagel drama.

The front of the Georgetown Library received a boost recently. That’s due to the new plantings donated to the library by the Georgetown Garden Club. Here are some more pics:

Many thanks to the Garden Club for making the neighborhood a bit greener!