Stretch Lab Coming to Safeway Block

In the 15th century Britain, if you committed a particularly bad crime or got cross-wise with the local bigwig, you might be subjected to a torture device called the rack. Your arms and legs would be bound and slowly pulled apart, like a Daddy Longlegs in the hands of a vicious child. No fee! They’d do it to you for free.

In our modern backwards times, however, you’ve got to pay up. And that brings me to the new shop that’s opening underneath the Safeway: Stretch Lab. It’s a place where you can be professionally stretched. Presumably not to the same lengths (figuratively or literally) as those poor souls in the 1400s.

The company’s website explains:

Our proprietary Flexologist Training Program is an intensive and thorough series that each of our Flexologists must complete prior to joining StretchLab. During their required 60-70+ hours of theory and hands-on training, our Flexologists learn the muscular system, a variety of assisted stretches and how to work with a variety of clients of all ages and body types.

These flexing sessions can be one-on-one or group sessions.

In all seriousness, it sounds like it could be a good option for people struggling with mobility challenges. Trying to perform stretches at home alone is sometimes just not enough to address serious problems. Having a professional assist you likely could make a real improvement. So check it out if that sounds interesting to you!